so my first post of the year is going to be a bitter
one.
i got my very first speeding ticket this morning. let
me rephrase that, i got my very first ticket this morning. it's friday, so
there weren't many cars on the road and i was actually going to make it to work
with a minute to spare, i was innocently singing along to fleetwood
mac,
in my own little world, just cruisin' along.
in my own little world, just cruisin' along.
i came around a bend on the stretch of highway about 100
meters from my exit, and all of a sudden it was the fourth of july in
my rear view mirror. i almost didn't pull over because i didn't
think he was coming for me; but he was. hoping that a young gentleman,
preferably of the handsome variety, who maybe got laid last night or even
better, this morning, was going to step out of the car, i turned
"rhiannon" down on my ipod and said a little prayer.
no dice.
i rolled down my window and was greeted by an officer with
an uncanny resemblance to j.k. simmons, you know, the guy who plays the
dad in "juno". i used to like him. he was around my
father's age, so unbuttoning my shirt was now a sick idea and was not going to help...i would have to play
another card. he looks me in the eyes and begins his spiel:
"ma'am, do you know why i pulled you over?" -juno's old
man
to myself: do i look like a ma'am? i hate when people call
me ma'am.
"ummm...honestly? i have no clue"-very unhappy
me
"well, you were going 100 in an 80" -juno's
old man
to myself: no shit. only 100 eh?
i shook my head.
he asked me for my licence, registration, yaddy ya da, and
told me he would be back in a few minutes. i rolled my window back up and
pretty well shit myself. a thousand things ran through my brain: wtf, it's
friday for christ sakes. are they even allowed to give tickets out on fridays?
i don't think they are, i'm looking into this...definitely not going to tell my
dad about this...ew, the picture on my driver's licence isn't going to help my
cause, he's totally going to ticket me just for having a hideous pic. thank god
he's not hot.
i could see him stepping out of his car to come bring me
the news,
a lovely sunshine yellow piece of paper in his hand.
"well, i looked into your record and see that you
have never had an issue in the past" -juno's old man
"riiiiight" -very scared shitless me
"so, i am going to reduce this to only 15km over,
that way it doesn't affect your points. i know what that can do to your
insurance. the fine is for $37 and you have 15 days to pay it" -juno's old
man
cue amanda bursting into tears.
"thank you so much. if i had points put against me,
my husband would divorce me"-very relieved me
the cop giggles. i wasn't being funny.
happy fuckin' friday everyone.
Oh cousin, you have much to learn. I've gotten: three speeding tickets, two stop sign tickets, been in like four accidents. You get used to it. I've had the ticket reduced every single time. Unless you are a horrible, horrible driver who gets caught every week, they're usually pretty good about it.
ReplyDeleteIt's always terrifying when they come to your window though. I don't know why they appear so scary. Clearly he was just trying to meet a quota for the day because 100 in an 80 is silly.
Beat it Anonymous Wally. I learned a lesson alright: cops blow balls.
ReplyDeleteRenee! We must be related. Is this why you take the bus now? I would do the same if I didn't have to get on a Welland bus. *shudder*
Poor Amanda. I break into a cold sweat at the very sight of them behind me - fireworks or not. I've had one speeding ticket (and don't ask how many parking tickets).. 72 in a 60. $80 later AND one point. After Dad mercilessly laughed at me that night, he got one the next day from the same guy... $120 and 3 points. Suck that Dad!!!
ReplyDeleteAhhhhhh this is EPIC Amanda ... you got me at " wtf, it's friday for christ sakes. are they even allowed to give tickets out on fridays? i don't think they are, i'm looking into this" .... seriously I was laughing too hard.
ReplyDeleteCops suck balls is right! Seriously, I swear I have encountered some of the worst a holes in my life time of tickets, that's 3 and counting my friend ;)
The first time waterworks got me absolutely no where at the ripe age of seventeen, seriously a first ticket and a balling girl, that should be an automatic "it's ok but don't let it happen again!" Especially when one is racing to the airport to catch their grandma before they leave to Portugal for 6 months. The second, well, I still blame Chris' brother to this day for lol
One might say I was a veteran by the time the third ticket came around. A simple girls road trip to Regina once cost me a jaw dropping $260 whilst driving a girlfriends car and not realizing I had just passed the Saskatchewan border into Manitoba and needed to reduce my speed from 110km limit to 100km .... yeah so maybe I was going like 118km when I got pulled over but when you think the speed limit is still 110km thats hardly speeding right?!?!?! Well it isn't in my books ... its called hwy driving and keeping with the flow of traffic officer a hole! I may have to check into that one detail with the girls, can't remember if tere were even any cars around me, but none-the-less, this hardly seems relevant. This one particular officer had the balls to offer that if I, and I quote, "hadn't been been yapping so much with with my girlfriends and had been paying attention to the road, I might not be in such a predicament and just may have noticed the 100km sign!" Seriously did you just say that to me?!?!? I was fuming while the other two girls were practically in tears for me not to mention shitting their panties (both ticket free to this day). I told them to save the waterworks it's wasn't going to get us no where with this guy. To top off the experience he handed me my hefty ticket and when I asked for my license and registration back which he almost walked away with, he literally tossed it onto my lap thru the window shaking his head like we were a bunch of moronic girls!
How's that for happy fucking friday?!?! lol Mind you this was a Sunday ... check into giving tickets out on Sundays while you're looking up fridays would you?! ;) lol
Poor Amanada, these things happen to the best of us !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh and P.S. ..... who's this Anonymous Wally guy ....? ;)
ReplyDeleteClearly he has NEVER gotten a ticket before ... nor has he had to try issuing one to a balling girl. So tell him to pipe it down would ya :P
LMAO !!!!!!!!
I love that you ladies shared my pain! lol. Aimee, you must have the worst luck! lol. I'm glad you can laugh about it now...it's all you can do right?
ReplyDeleteHannah, talk about Karma! That's what you get when you make fun of someone!!! lol.
xo
Dear Princess Cowley
ReplyDeleteI have not had much spare time over the holidays and i have noticed that you have posted a few tidbits for our viewing pleasure. Now im sure you thought that since I did not post on them that you had got away scott free. WRONG! I have to get to work now but if your lucky my eyes may grace this page again tonight
muhahaha ahahaha
WPC
Dear Princess Cutts.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait.