office christmas parties. the night you leave your shame at home.

the guy in the santa costume always has the most fun.

oh the office christmas party. where you can get shit faced in front of your co-workers and no one judges you because they too, are shmammered out of their tree. i have always been jealous of the classic "office christmas party". like the one my grandfather would have attended in the 40's, where the only evidence it ever happened are the black and white photos they stashed away for no one to find. the one where you decorate the office in streamers and drink too much scotch while smoking menthol slims and dancing on your desk with your pantyhose around your ankles. the one where no one gives a single iota of fuck as to how they look, act or sound. 
that's the kind of christmas party i want to go to. 

long gone are the days when it's acceptable to smoke and drink where you work--kinda like you don't shit where you eat, it's the same thing but totally different. nowadays you book a hall or pay for a ticket to sit in a room full of other established businesses to enjoy a meal and some pleasant dinner music. but don't think for one second that the minute those plates are cleared and the bottle of wine you drank before you even got to the party kicks in, you won't be on the dance floor doing the macarena with the guy who sits three cubicles away, and only says hi to you when you accidentally make eye contact and it's too late and far too impolite to pretend it never happened. 

tonight is my office christmas party.

after a few years of trying out different locations and suggestions from my co-workers, i pretty much told my boss that i was planning the christmas party this year (remember that time i admitted i am going through planning withdrawals?). if my house was big enough to fit 45 people comfortably (i've done it before, talk about having someone up in your grill) i would have had the party at my house. i also would have brought in desks and made people dance on them when they were good and hammered. i heard from a friend about a hall that does a multi-company christmas party every year. she says it's always a really dirty time, and worth the night out. 
so i pitched the idea to the boss and was on my merry little way. 
after all, 

"tis the season to be merry"

"mary? well that's my name"

"no shit"

i'm really excited to see how the night pans out. i know it will be a good time, and i don't doubt for a second we'll be talking about it for days. it may not be the classic office christmas party i long for, but who knows, maybe one day i will own a business with more employees than myself, paul (who would be my secretary) and india. and i will throw a christmas party in our office that would make your grandparents jealous. and you better believe i'll be sippin' on a dirty martini, with my pantyhose right where they should be, 
keeping my ankles toasty warm.