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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

but is shit really any different?

 {image by nataschia wielink}

a few days ago i read this post by chelsea on her very pretty blog 'lovely indeed', and i have been thinking about it ever since. the post specifically caught my attention, as i too have been asked (as most newly-ish weds probably have) the very same question: '"does it feel different being married?".  her response is similar to mine, which is refreshing to know, as i feel like the answer i give is fragmented and not a complete thought, so to have someone feel the same way makes me feel good about myself.

yes. of course it's different. and i have no one real answer why.

to say it's completely unlike it was before and totally new would be a lie, because it's not. in fact, if it was, i would be worried, because i liked the way things were before we said 'i do', and wouldn't want that to change by much. it's a subtle, feel-it-in-your-gut difference, and that is enough for me. i'm his wife: the word alone is the obvious change (and i honestly can't hear him call me that without getting all flaky and girly and a shit eating grin across my face).

and as unromantic as the legality of marriage is, i do feel like it adds another level of commitment to our relationship -- it makes things feel more permanent, more set in stone, more official. it's not like either of us could get up and walk out of each other's lives for good and without looking back, we are bound to one another, and would have to work to end things -- and that shit's kinda heavy right? not to say we would ever stay together if we weren't happy, that wasn't an option before we were married, and it never will be. and of course that's not to say that couples who choose not to get married, don't have strong, committed, official relationships built on the same kind of values we believe in -- to each his own is beautiful.

but maybe the thing that is most different, is the way we ourselves changed the day we got married. that day it stopped being just me, and it became us. i promised him i would be there for him for the rest of my life. i promised to take care of him, to be his confidant, to be whatever he needed me to be. and i promised that in front of every person in my life that i love, cherish and respect. it wasn't muttered under my breath or breezed over, i declared that shit, and proudly too! and i meant every word of it. even more now than i did that day. 

we are tied to one another. 
we are committed to each other in every way we could be.
spiritually, legally, emotionally, and with all my heart i trust, permanently.

i guess my best answer when asked "does it feel different being married?" is a little bit of yes and no.
it's the same thing, but totally different.

1 comment:

  1. If you weren't already the most perfect, crazy lover before you got married, you sure are the most crazy perfect wife now. The way you've tied your life and heart to Paul's is exactly the way things should be, and completely heartwarming. Loved this x


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